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    Writer's Workshop Bit

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    Faith Wynters
    The Cuppycakecreep
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    Writer's Workshop Bit

    Post by Faith Wynters on Wed May 30, 2012 2:51 pm

    I wrote about two chapters of a book in a class I took last summer. I like it, but it needs critiques. I'll be posting a chapter at a time, and hopefully I will be writing more. The posts may be a little spaced out because they're all on paper and I've got to type them up, but hopefully it'll be done soon.

    I have to give some credit to Danny for this story. We did a roleplay a while back and it's loosely based off that. (Very loosely, but the setting is the same) Thanks for that I guess. Okay, I'm finishing typing up the last paragraph now, so it will be up in a few minutes (I'm hoping)

    I guess I finally got enough gumption to post it here. Kinda afraid what people of think seeing as my opinion will always be biased against my own work. Like I said, critiques are welcome, just please don't be rude. Smile



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    Faith Wynters
    The Cuppycakecreep
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    Re: Writer's Workshop Bit

    Post by Faith Wynters on Wed May 30, 2012 3:21 pm

    Here it is...The first section of the story I'm writing. Any critique is welcome.



    Chapter 1: Faith

    I knew my hair would give me away. The moon shown bright in the sky, and having platinum hair didn’t help the situation. Of course, it would reflect the moon like the eyes of an alligator in a flashlight’s beam.

    I darted through the trees, having escaped the city. Maybe they couldn’t find me now. Maybe I was safe? The warm, thick blood was now being soaked in by the corset I wore.

    Moments later, the barking of dogs could be heard behind me. I was, after all, when not in human form, a cat, any cat I desired to be more precise. Why did my mother have to fall in love with a felis-something-or-other during their time trying to figure out a way to fit into human society?

    The barking seemed to grow louder as I tried to pull the cloak from the small pouch on my right thigh. I frantically unfolded my dark camouflage, forcing it over my shoulders.

    I started to run, darting through the trees in swift glides. The hood slapped at the back of my neck I began to pull on the cloth before I could realize what was making the loud slapping sound on the back of my neck. As I was pulling it over my head, a branch caught me, and at such a speed, made a small cut across my left cheek. I felt the sting before anything else. I raised my hand up only to feel the stickiness of blood already beginning to dry from the cool night’s breeze.

    It was like the branch had slapped some thought into me. Where exactly was I running to? They had taken the only ‘family’ I had from me. My eyes thinned into slits, and my hands balled into fists. I took in a shaky, slow deep breath. I couldn’t let myself lose control. If I snapped, I could possibly kill innocent people. I couldn’t let that happen.

    The sound of feet brought me from my thought. I had to run, for my family at least. I knew that much, but where was I running to again?
    I felt my teeth grit together as I chose a direction. I hated not having time to make a decision, but this was my life hanging in the balance if I didn’t. Almost every direction seemed to have the sounds of yelling humans accompanied by the barking of dogs. I chose north. At least, what I assumed was north. I went in the one direction that didn’t sound so threatening.

    There was a shot from a gun of some kind. It made me yelp at such a loud sound. They were doing it to stop me, to make me flinch so in that second I was deaf, they could sneak up behind me and… It didn’t matter. I was running now. I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that bullet. I could have seen them all quite easily, if I had stopped, even in the darkness.

    So I ran, faster than I had ever on two feet before. After a little while, my calves began to throb. The feeling in my legs left me, but I didn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop for anything. It seemed like I ran for hours whilst the man in the moon looked down upon me. It was as if he were watching events unfold like a god from the heavens. The silver light moved as time went on. The lights progression was slow, so it only could have been an hour at the most.

    There was a sudden howl a little ways off in the distance. It wasn’t one of the dogs the humans had chasing me. It didn’t sound so ravenous, so trained. Anger or a sort of sorrow filled the howl. You could tell by the end, by the way it died out, by the echo through the forest. That meant it wasn’t a normal German Sheppard that had been following me. Those dogs didn’t have any feeling. If you were their target, and you couldn’t hold out a run, you were a goner. Dogs. The thought itself made my skin crawl.

    I shook my head, forcing myself to stop thinking about it. I had to slow down. After what seemed like hours of running through the forest, I needed to stop. If I were to survive, I’d have to stop and rest soon. I would have to save when little energy I had to run more when those damned dogs caught up.



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    Allen
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    Re: Writer's Workshop Bit

    Post by Allen on Wed May 30, 2012 4:35 pm

    Eh'. A mild complaint here.

    When you say loosely... It's not loosely based. It's pretty much entirely based.

    The plot might be different, but characters and setting are similar if not the same. Might be useful if you plan to publish something some day.

    Eh'. Screw it. I'll read it while I'm here. I have nothing better to do and I my friend hasn't lent me one of her novels yet -.-

    If I were to critique it, I'd probably say, that personally, I'd have chosen different words, or chosen a different layout.

    I'm not the author though.

    It's all easy to read/understand, and it's pretty interesting, but that might because I'm bored out of my mind.

    It would be easier to critique if I knew what kind of emotion or theme you focus on with the story.

    Right now it's mostly fear and adrenaline. Your character is (I'm assuming) supernatural or tied to it, but is level-headed and youthful.

    Which would mean your first-person words would fit the character well. But I don't know this rendition of Faith well enough to guess.

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