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    What's love?

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    Total Votes: 3
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    Simply Random
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    What's love?

    Post by Simply Random on Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:09 pm

    So I know my cousin Crystal has een using my USerName.
    My name is Jessica Smile I like to write, even though I'm not a good writer but please give it a chance!
    PS, I haven't named the story yet. I dont have any idea what to name it.

    __________________________________________________

    What would you do if the person you love the most hurts you? What if you fall in love, with someone that is too dangerous? If the only way for you to be with that person is to change your life style, would you do it? Would you do everything and change everything to be with the person you fall deeply in love with?

    It was Thursday, a half a day for the high school students. One of the most popular girls in school decided to throw a party. She hands out the invites before school started to fine nice day. That is how it all began thanks to that one girl. Is she to thank for everything that is going to happen?

    “Party at my house later!” she said cheerfully.
    “Thanks for the invite!” I said cheerfully back at her.
    When she skipped down the hall, I rolled my eyes. “Zoey! Did you get an invitation?” my friend Amber asked. “Yea but I’m not going though” she slapped my arm.
    “Why the hell not?” I shrugged “its going to be the party of the year! You can’t be stupid enough to miss it!” she said jumping like a rabbit.
    I turned to walk the other way. Someone picked me up from behind and spun me around.
    “What the hell!” I yelled.
    Once when I got back on my feet. I turned to see who it was. It was my boyfriend Mike for two years. In a month, today it would be three years.
    “Hey hun. what’s up” I said giving him a kiss.
    “Nothing much pumpkin. Ready to go to the party after school?” great another person excited to go.
    I just stomped away. Mike jogged to my side. Wrapping his arm around my neck. “Come on go to the party. What could go wrong?”
    “Number of things can go wrong. You can get drunk again and pass out like always. You weigh a ton. I don’t have my car anymore remember?” he tried driving my car under the influence and crashed. My parents flipped out on me. It was about a month ago that he crashed my car. “Oh yea I remember. I am really sorry about that. Don’t forget I’m paying half of what it cast to fix it or what ever” all would be better.
    “Still I am not going boo sorry!” I said as I power walked to my history class.

    School finished fast today. I only had three classes four if you include lunch, but I didn’t go. I went home and got online. Everyone was hitting me up telling me to go to the party. I caved in. As my away message, I put:
    ‘Goin 2 da dam party. All of my friends & bf owes me one! Lucky that ily all!’
    I got up to pick out an outfit, take a shower, do my hair, and get ready for the party. The invitation said it starts at three pm. It was only two. I did everything sparing twenty minutes left until three. Amber was going to pick me up along with our other friends. I went outside to wait for them. I was sending messages to at least five people.
    I heard music blasting and people screaming. “Zoey!” they all screamed.
    As they pulled up in front of my house, I smiled. “Hey!” I said getting up.
    “Wow you look amazing girl!” my best friend Sean said.
    “Thanks Sean. You look dashing yourself”
    “Well thank you my far lady. I attend to look good for me chickas!”
    “Dam Z you’re banging hot!” Amanda said to me.
    I was wearing a rouched corset and a cloud wash destructed shorts with criss cross gladiator sandal. “Thanks now come on lets go!”
    “That’s my baby girl!” I rolled my eyes at Amanda.

    We got to the party a half an hour later. I danced with my friends. Mike scared the shit out of me pulling me away from Amanda and kisses me. “Hey babe sorry I’m late”
    “It’s okay Mike. I was having fun with my girl to even notice.” it was the truth.
    We danced with each other for a good hour. “Hey I’m going to get something to drink do you want anything?” I nodded my head no.
    He went off to get something to drink. When he didn’t come back after ten minutes. I went to go dance with Sean and the others. The song kept changing from hip-hop, bachata, R&B, reggae, and other amazing song you can dance too. Just with other songs not the same ones. After the first two songs, Sean’s girl took him upstairs. We all know what they going to do. Then five other songs later, everyone got separated. I was left alone. “Come one babe we going home” I turned and saw Mike.
    We just walked out. I drove to my place. I lived with my grandparents. My parents disappeared not to long ago. My grandparents were away. They would be returning back tomorrow morning. We went inside my house and started to make out. I got a text so I stopped. Mike got mad and all hell broke lose. Everything went down so fast.

    I looked around me - dazed, confused. Where was I?
    I glanced back to see why it was starting to get hot, and that’s when I saw the living room in flames. It looked radiant and beautiful, but it was on fire. What had happened? I felt a bump on the top of my head, and there was blood on the floor. A large parcel lay a few feet in front of me. Seeing the parcel triggered off something in my mind, and a memory started to unfold, like an old film.

    __________________________________________________
    Let me know what you think and if you want more

    Deamonata
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Deamonata on Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:28 am

    not exactly my cup of tea, I tend to read fantasy more. However saying that, this is certainly readable. As far as I can see the grammar is fine, so I say carry on.

    Also I claim you comment virginity
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Guest on Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:11 am

    I like it, but needs some shapping up.
    You got few mistakes, common minor ones like accidently typing the wrong letter.
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    Simply Random
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Simply Random on Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:07 am

    Thanks guys. I'll try to see if my aunt can fix them Cool
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    I looked around me - dazed, confused. Where was I?
    I glanced back to see why it was starting to get hot, and that’s when I saw the living room in flames. It looked radiant and beautiful, but it was on fire. What had happened? I felt a bump on the top of my head, and there was blood on the floor. A large parcel lay a few feet in front of me. Seeing the parcel triggered off something in my mind, and a memory started to unfold, like an old film.
    I was with my boyfriend. We started to make out. My phone started to vibrate because I got a text. He went to go read it. “Who the fuck is Andy?”
    “Andy what?”
    “What the hell you mean ‘Andy what?’ answer the dam question!”
    “What is last name, that’s what I mean!” he got mad and started to hit me.
    He started to poor oil all over the living room floor. He hit me over the head with a beer bottle. I feel down hitting the floor extremely hard. He lighted up a cigarette. Before I past out he threw the cigarette and the place started to catch in fire.

    I sat up to get a better view. A guy in a mask walks up to me. He pointed the gun squarely at my head. He puts the gun down. With his other hand, he slaps me.
    "Ouch! What was that for?"
    “For being a stupid teenage girl!”
    I started to crawl to the other side. “Stop moving!” he yelled.
    I waited silently, not daring to move, not even to breathe. I crouched behind the door, curling myself into the smallest shape possible. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat, which was threatening to choke me. I waited. Suddenly, it happened. He walked up to me. Each step sounding vicious. He lifts me up and takes me out side.
    I was sitting on top of a car watching the pretty flames grow viciously. My grandmother used to tell me home is where the heart is. I did not understand what she meant by that until I saw my house burning down. Soon to be ashes.

    I looked at the guy who hit and saved me. This man has almond-shaped green eyes that are like two clumps of moss. His luxurious, straight, neck-length hair is the color of black coffee, and is worn in an exotic style. He is very tall and has a wide-chested build. His skin is deeply tanned. He saw me staring at him. I immediately change my gaze back to the burning house. My grandma so going to kill me! Not unless this dude don’t do it first.

    All of this was staring to give me the only headache. My head hurts so much that I fainted. I felt like I was being embraced by the stranger. I looked up at him one last time before I was out cold.
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Guest on Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:16 am

    Hmm bit drastic? Laughing
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    Zalgo the Imminent
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Zalgo the Imminent on Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:57 am

    Is it weird that the first thought when I read the title was "Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more."?
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Simply Random on Mon Nov 15, 2010 8:53 pm

    Lol no its not weird.
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Simply Random on Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:44 pm

    I woke up in a nice big, luxuries room. I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t tied to the bed. I had in needle in me. “What the hell?” I said out loud.
    I guess he heard me because he came in the room. “What the hell is all this?”
    “Relax why wont you. It’s just an IV to make sure nothing is in your system. If there is, it should be gone. How is your head?” he looks at me with a concern look.
    “It hurts a little not as much as it did yesterday night.” I said struggling to get lose.
    He walked to my side and untied me. I sat up putting my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I started to process everything that has happen less then 24 hours ago. What else is going to happen? “Oh fuck school!” I turned around to look at the clock. It was 7:30 in the morning. “I’m going to be late!” I got up to and started to pace.
    “Relax why wont you. I got something for you” he got up and left the room.
    I continued to pace but even faster. “He is going to kill me! What am I going to do? If I make it out of here, I’m going to kill Mike! It’s over between us!…”
    “I never knew we had a thing going on between us” I turned around and saw him with a Victoria Secret bag? What the hell. He walked up to me giving me the bag.
    “Change and don’t worry about being late to school”
    “How am I not going to worry? I’m going to be late!” he was grinning.
    “I got it covered. By the way what is your name?”
    “What’s yours?”
    “I asked first”
    “So”
    “Ladies first” I sighed.
    “My name is Zoey Santiago. Now what’s your name?”
    “Lucas Rivera” that was a nice name for a hot sexy guy!
    I turned to go to the bathroom to get ready for school. I made sure I locked the bathroom door.
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    Re: What's love?

    Post by Guest on Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:43 am

    Confused O.o Laughing
    and be careful with the present, past tenses

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    Re: What's love?

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