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    Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

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    Jade Hawk
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    Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Jade Hawk on Thu Mar 03, 2011 11:18 pm

    So there was a post on the Anon Board saying "Can someone please post a story about vampires!!!" They wanted something "lovey dovey one and one about them ripping out people's throats, then bleeding them dry." So I came up with the following...

    He sparkled in the moonlight. His pale skin shone as the beams hit his facade, and although his kind were widely feared, his simple being brought laughter to those who knew of his existence. For Edward was a vampire. However, he possessed no qualities of an average being of his kin, for his nature was not to be blood-thirsty, and he had very little bat-like senses. This creature held no fangs, and was more human than not, for he felt deep jealousy and hypocrisy that burned in his contacted eyes. Why he was named a vampire, little citizens knew, but he was filled with pride, being named this species, and little could stop him from his lustful ways upon human kind.

    This was a mere man who fell in love, or so they say. His attractions were no more than jealous attraction, for his enemy held claws and fur of those that named themselves "werewolves", or "men who
    don't own shirts". Edward became fixated by a single individual. A young girl, struggling with her sexual ways between necrophilia and bestiality. His attraction to her became obsessive, and he was compelled to watch this girl as she slept. This lasted for many months, and although he knew little about her, his heart ached like a newly formed teenager, with nothing less to focus on that their studies and claimed heartbreak.

    One day, Edward became brave enough to enter this girl's bedroom, perhaps to know her true thoughts of his attempted flattery as he watched her sleep, or to simply brush aside loose hair from her face, and to reveal her soft skin tone, comparing his overly-described complexion to her empty shell of a character. As bravery overpowered him, Edward approached the room with great speed and agility, less like a bat and more like the pixie he truly was. He flew with great might and strength, only to find moments too late that because of these breezy nights that held a chilly wind, the girl slept with her window barred shut. Edward collided with the glass, impacting his less-than attractive face against the pane, vibrating the glaze and shaking the fittings. He slid down the window, a thin trail of blood following his path and his face contorted against the friction of the glass. Inside the room, the girl awoke with a start.

    Not thinking about covering her apparently average body with a warmer robe, she rushed towards the window, staring at the man who interrupted her slumbers. They stared into each other's eyes, the lights leaving his, and she shrugged her shoulders simply, before retreating back into her bed. His unfortunate misjudgement of her closed window bothered her very little, for somewhere out there was a beast waiting for her every attention. This beast was no werewolf, for werewolves exist not. This beast, was EDUCATION!

    -----

    I've never read the Twilight books, nor seen the movies. This is just a story I wrote for you, based on what I heard of the rumours cast about by this story.




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    Sweet_Insanity92
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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Sweet_Insanity92 on Fri Mar 04, 2011 6:54 pm

    Hahaha! that was great. I read the title and I was like, oh gosh, another vampire romance story. But as I kept reading it, it became more and more entertaining. The satire of it all started out as a small little drip then by the end, it was like a waterfall of satirical elements. Bravo, well done. Smile
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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 04, 2011 7:20 pm

    haha xD Smile
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    Jade Hawk
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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Jade Hawk on Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:01 pm

    Haha thank you! -Takes a bow- This things you can write about a book without ever actually having to read the thing!




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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Guest on Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:21 pm

    "His unfortunate misjudgement of her closed window bothered her very little, for somewhere out there was a beast waiting for her every attention. This beast was no werewolf, for werewolves exist not. This beast, was EDUCATION!"

    I think you are my hero, Jade. -bows in front of Jade-
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    Zalgo the Imminent
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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Zalgo the Imminent on Sun Mar 06, 2011 2:15 pm

    LOLSPARKLES.
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    Eljordo
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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Eljordo on Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:18 pm

    EDWARD CULLENS GUIDE TO PICKING UP CHICKS-
    -Wear dark clothing and have a pantine pro-v haircut

    -Whenever said girl is around, stare at her endlessly with a creepy look on your face. Don't look away, just keep stairing.

    -Apon speaking to said girl the first time, ask very personal questions. There is no such thing as privacy.

    -Before she can answer said questions, just walk away abruptly.

    -If she comes near you, make sure to look noticably revolted by her

    -When you do talk to her, make sure to be very rude and pushy. She'll come around.

    -Sneak into her room and watch her sleep 0_o

    -Once you have established that you are interested in them, let them know that there is NO ESCAPING YOU

    -When in doubt, go after the mentally unstable ones with daddy issues
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    Jade Hawk
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    Re: Love Twilight? DON'T READ THIS!

    Post by Jade Hawk on Mon Mar 07, 2011 6:50 pm

    Haha nice




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